It is not my intention to set back the clock and make women submissive, meely-mouses who can’t go after what they want. But when it comes to the precarious early dating process, when you are just getting to know a new man, being sexually aggressive can ruin your chances for real love. Ask yourself the following questions to see if you are a sexually aggressive woman:
On the first few dates I…
- Make a sexual move if he doesn’t.
- Make a sexual move if I feel like it.
- Believe that it’s good to find out if you’re sexually compatible early on.
- Am open to having sex if the vibe is right.
- Like to blow his mind with my sexual prowess.
- Believe that it doesn’t matter who makes the first move.
If you answered yes to any one of these questions, you are probably too sexually aggressive for your own good. Don’t get me wrong: once you are in a committed, monogamous relationship in which you are madly in love with each other, you can make all the moves you want. But in the early dating stages, it’s best to wait for him to make the moves. Why? Here’s 5 good reasons:
1) He’ll respect you more: I know, here comes the double standard. It isn’t fair. But it’s reality. If you’re willing to jump in the sack right away, he is bound to wonder if you do this all the time. And they don’t like a girl who has a questionable reputation like that, no matter what her age. They want a woman who takes care of herself and has self-respect.
2) He’ll take you seriously: How can a guy take you seriously if you are willing to take off all your clothes after just meeting him? Regardless of the chemistry, you have to maintain control of yourself so that he can consider you as a real potential mate.
3) He will be more inclined to chase after you: If you sleep with him right away, the chase is over. In most cases he will either lose interest fairly quickly, or it will turn into a mediocre relationship that drags on for awhile. But you want to keep the chase going for some time (for enough time for him to fall in love!), so you have to keep sex out of the picture for awhile.
4) You’ll be able to discern if he really is right for you: Sex can cloud the issue and make you see him differently. Oxytocin, the bonding hormone that causes you to bond emotionally via sex, kicks in and you’re more into him than you might have been had you not slept with him. So hold off on sex and spend that time getting to really know the man in front of you. See if he’s a keeper before bonding emotionally with him.
5) You’ll stand out as unique and special: While all of the other girls are jumping into bed on the first few dates, you will be a refreshing change for men. I hear about how sexually aggressive women put a lot of pressure on men to perform before they are emotionally ready and sometimes it is off-putting to them. They will be pleasantly surprised and you’ll look like a special prize they have to win.
You have plenty of time for hot romps in the sack! But you can never get back the beginning of a relationship. That is the most crucial time period in which you are setting the foundation—you are getting to know each other, you are developing feelings, you are determining compatibility and having fun experiencing lots of different experiences together. Sex gets in the way of that if it happens too soon. So hold on to your britches, keep your legs together, and focus on the task at hand. See who this man is and if he’s even worthy to be in your presence, let alone experience all of you.